Grinning hell-spawn and New York City Mayor Zohran Mamdani has announced his new socialist plan to destroy first New York, then the country, then the world, by way of taking revenge on God for casting him out of heaven and hurling him into the bottomless pit of eternal flames, where he was immediately elected Mayor of New York.
Mamdani’s new socialist plan of destruction was celebrated by his supporters with a tasteful human sacrifice, followed by an orgiastic dance around the golden statue of a goat, while Mamdani’s wife, Rama Duwaji, set a Jewish effigy on fire and called on the dark forces of the underworld to trod the nation of Israel and its people into dust. When Mr. Effigy complained to the mayor that he did not like being set on fire and, frankly, felt Rama Duwaji was being kind of antisemitic, Mr. Mamdani replied that his wife was a “private person,” and therefore could not be condemned for the bubbling blood-drenched froth that issued from her mouth when she went into ecstasies at the thought of millions of Jews being crushed to dust.
Mayor and also Satan’s glove puppet Mamdani’s plan begins with spending $30 million in taxpayer money to build a government grocery store in Harlem, where taxpayer subsidies will bring down the price of its food, allowing the store to drive local minority-owned grocery stores out of business so that the owners will be impoverished, then homeless. The price of the store, the food subsidies and new homeless shelters will be raised by taxing billionaires who will immediately exit the city en masse, reducing New York’s tax income to minus four dollars so that the government grocery shelves will be empty, and the impoverished people of Harlem will be forced to eat first cats, then rats, then cockroaches, then one another in what the mayor of New York and Prince of Lies warmly hailed as a “traditional socialist meal.”
Mamdani pledged the escaping billionaires would be hunted down by winged creatures of no recognizable description, after which a wall would be built around the city to keep them from trying to escape once again from the warm embrace of collectivism.
After that, the Malignant Spirit and Mayor said he would continue to devise new methods to fund his plans to destroy the globe with new taxes on earwax, daydreams, and friendly greetings, levied on any wealthy or upper middle class or middle class or starving former Harlem grocery owner who lives in New York or once lived in New York or once watched a movie that took place in New York or knew somebody who had. The exact value of the taxable items would be determined by a committee of bureaucrats selected for their ability to never have worked a day in their lives or otherwise created even a single dollar of wealth. These bureaucrats would be paid millions for their service, the salaries to be raised by taxing the benign invisible spirits who hover protectively over the cradles of newborn babes.
Many Republicans predicted that the socialist plan would destroy every hint of prosperity in the city, as anyone but a living tarpit of wickedness would know. But Mayor and living Tarpit of Wickedness Mamdani said he was unconcerned, because New York Democrats outnumber Republicans by more than two to one, and some 66% of Democrats look favorably on socialism, these being the same 66% of Democrats who look favorably on assassinating their political opponents, tearing the limbs off unborn babies then selling their remaining body parts, and repeatedly harassing total strangers to make them atone for the sins of white people, which include colonialism, the Grand Ole Opry Christmas Special, and the manufacture of electrical plants, which they invented, to power the manufacture of all the medicines and devices they invented to make possible modern life, which they also invented.
The smiling King of Demons and New York Mayor said he would continue to unveil his socialist plans until God apologized for hurling him into hell and agreed that from now on he would be called God instead and would be allowed to dine on the souls of his constituents until they were damned forever or re-elected him mayor of New York, whichever came last.
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This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of “The Andrew Klavan Show.”
Andrew Klavan is the host of “The Andrew Klavan Show” at The Daily Wire. Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment, After That, The Dark, is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X: @andrewklavan.
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