You know, between the rapid pace of news events these days and the ubiquitous proliferation of media outlets, it\u2019s very easy to get so overwhelmed with information that you lose your focus and let your mind drift to meaningless side issues like whether if you continually rewind \u201cThe Housemaid\u201d so you can watch the Sydney Sweeney sex scene over and over, it will somehow show up on the feed so your wife will find out when she goes to watch one of those movies she likes where none of the women even takes her shirt off so what the hell\u2019s the point.<\/span><\/p>\n I\u2019m sorry. What was I talking about?<\/span><\/p>\n Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you can lose your focus \u2014 and not even realize that you don\u2019t really understand the issues in play. So now and again, we here at the Daily Wire like to take a moment to try to explain to you some of the important subjects that we ourselves know absolutely nothing about.<\/span><\/p>\n For instance, President Trump says the economy is doing great, but polls show that many people disagree. So today we want to try to unpack the principles of economics so you can answer basic questions, like who\u2019s right, who\u2019s wrong, how the hell should I know, and why can\u2019t you people just leave me alone?<\/span><\/p>\n Economics is a science, like pinball or craps. The word comes from the Greek root \u201comics,\u201d meaning \u201csomething you read in the newspaper that is so ridiculous it makes you laugh.\u201d That\u2019s the same root that gives us words like \u201ccomics,\u201d and \u201cNew York Times opinionomics.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Now, here at The Andrew Klavan Show, we know that some people in our audience are functionally illiterate, but the rest of our audience can only aspire to being functionally illiterate, so in order to explain the principles of economics in the simplest possible way, we\u2019re going to take you through an ordinary day in the life of an economist.<\/span><\/p>\n Ordinary economist Wolfgang Startle wakes up a little after 6:00 AM. He opens the shades in time to see the sun cresting the eastern horizon. \u201cOh my God,\u201d says Wolfgang Startle, \u201cwhat the hell is that?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s the sun coming up in the morning,\u201d says Mrs. Startle.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWow,\u201d says Wolfgang. \u201cThat\u2019s surprising. Yesterday, I predicted that artificial intelligence would cause the moon to turn to blood while the sun refused to shine. So this development is very unexpected.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Soon after, Mrs. Startle puts breakfast on the table. \u201cWhoa!\u201d cries Wolfgang Startle. \u201cAre these fried eggs? I did not see that coming.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cBut I make you fried eggs every morning,\u201d says Mrs. Startle.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cYes,\u201d says Wolfgang. \u201cBut last week, I predicted that Donald Trump\u2019s tariffs would drive the price of eggs up way beyond what we can afford, so this is completely unexpected.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n An hour later, Wolfgang Startle arrives at work at the Wall Street Journal, where he\u2019s greeted by his editor, Hyman Panic. \u201cI\u2019m sorry, Wolfgang,\u201d Panic says. \u201cI\u2019m going to have to let you go, because every single prediction you make turns out to be wrong.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWell, this comes totally out of the blue for me,\u201c says Wolfgang Startle. \u201cI predicted that Trump\u2019s anti-immigration policies would cause a minor rise in unemployment\u2026 for some reason\u2026 but now my unemployment is unexpectedly at 100%.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n And just wait till you see how startled Wolfgang Startle is when he gets home, because he did not predict that Mrs. Startle would unexpectedly run off with the guy who writes the horoscope pages for the New York Post, after she discovered that his predictions were more accurate than Wolfgang\u2019s, so he still has a job.<\/span><\/p>\n I hope this glimpse into the daily life of an economist has given you a better sense of whether you should believe Donald Trump when he says the economy is great, or your wife when she tells you she had to sell the kids for rent money.<\/span><\/p>\n The important thing to remember is that whether you vote for Trump\u2019s Republicans or for the people who want to reduce America to dust while destroying every vestige of our prosperity and freedom, you can never be totally sure about the future, unless you read the horoscope page in the New York Post.<\/p>\n * * *<\/p>\n This excerpt is taken from the opening satirical monologue of \u201cThe Andrew Klavan Show<\/a>.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n Andrew Klavan is the host of \u201cThe Andrew Klavan Show\u201d at The Daily Wire.\u00a0Klavan is the bestselling author of numerous books, including the Cameron Winter Mystery series. The fifth installment,\u00a0After That, The Dark,<\/a><\/strong>\u00a0is NOW AVAILABLE. Follow him on X:\u00a0@andrewklavan<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n The views expressed in this satirical piece are those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Daily Wire.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n Continue reading this exclusive article and join the conversation, plus watch free videos on DW+<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/dw-wp-production.imgix.net\/2025\/09\/Klavan-watch-now-1024x171.jpg\")
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