\n<\/p>\n
This article is part of\u00a0<\/i>Upstream,<\/i><\/a>\u00a0The Daily Wire\u2019s new home for culture and lifestyle. Real human insight and human stories \u2014 from our featured writers to you.<\/i><\/p>\n ***<\/i><\/p>\n The Cut has a knack for repackaging relational instability as self-discovery. The women-focused online arm of New York Magazine that brought us pieces like <\/span>\u201c<\/span><\/i>Could Opening Your Marriage Lighten Your Mental Load?<\/span><\/i><\/a>\u201d<\/span><\/i> and <\/span>\u201c<\/span><\/i>I Regret Having Children<\/span><\/i><\/a>\u201d<\/span><\/i> is at it again \u2014 this time with E.J. Dickson\u2019s essay <\/span>\u201c<\/span><\/i>The Secret to a Great Marriage? Crushes on Other People<\/span><\/i><\/a>.\u201d<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n In it, Dickson begins by describing a co-worker named Phil, whom she compares to a swarthier Jake Gyllenhaal, and who, she notes, didn\u2019t know what a \u201cnut graf\u201d was. She emphasizes that she did not know him well: by the time they stopped working together, they had exchanged only about 40 words, most of them about Steely Dan.<\/span><\/p>\n She mentions him occasionally to her husband of nearly 10 years, who would joke about her \u201cfrissons of nervous energy\u201d when asked if Phil had been at work that day. When she knew he would be in the office, she found herself lingering a little longer in front of the mirror \u2014 adding lip tint and mascara, taking extra care with her hair before meetings.<\/span><\/p>\n Actually, much of the piece focuses on workplace dynamics and so-called \u201cwork husbands and wives.\u201d One interviewee, Jill, 32, recalls that her now-husband once confessed to having a minor crush on a co-worker. At the time, she was feeling sexually bored in their relationship, and she describes the admission as unexpectedly \u201cdeeply erotic.\u201d The couple later folded the subject into their pre-sex conversations. Jill said it \u201crecalibrated\u201d how she perceived him.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cA crush while you\u2019re married is like a little sweet snack that gets you through the 4 p.m. slump,\u201d said Cara, 35. \u201cIt\u2019s harmless and invigorating,\u201d she said, \u201cand reminds you you\u2019re alive and kicking and yearning and thinking.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n While some pushed back on the piece in the comments, most others were predictable: \u201cBrace for puritan moralism,\u201d one said. \u201cSad to see so many people missing the point,\u201d wrote another, \u201cit\u2019s not about infidelity.\u201d And finally: \u201cIt\u2019s not that deep man \u2026 having crushes is human. Enjoy.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n I was surprised to feel my body tense as I read the article through for the first time. I had lived out this theory as a college student, and the lessons were still living in my muscles \u2014 little \u201cfrissons of nervous energy\u201d that I recognized now for what they were: alarm bells.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n During a long-term relationship, I found myself co-creating a new music festival with an older mentor and friend. At first, it was innocent: writing grants after class, trading notes in a shared Google Doc. I admired his drive, his obvious talent. But admiration has a way of slipping its bounds. Soon, I felt that familiar, muscle-melting pull at the mere mention of his name.<\/span><\/p>\n As the months passed, we were pulling all-nighters, contacting venues, creating floor plans, evaluating artist applications, united in a common purpose and building a shared world from scratch. I found my mind wandering: what other worlds might we be capable of sharing? Electric fingers grazed my leg under the table. I was sick with confusion, regret, desire. I was in trouble.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n If this wasn\u2019t \u201cthat deep, man,\u201d how did I get here? From ruminating on a nagging desire to indulging it? From a passing thought to a habit of mind; from a shared project to a divided interior life; from keeping a little secret to hiding whole chambers of my heart?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n